The Four Pipelines of Leadership
As a leader, I have learned that there are four main concepts that keep the pipelines of communication and trust open with the people I lead. They are exemplified in four statements that should be burned into the heart of every leader and practiced to a point that the vocabulary becomes second nature. They are: 1) Please, 2) Thank you, 3) I forgive You, and 4) I’m sorry, please forgive me.
Everything in life is based on trust. It is a form of currency that exists above money. The Scriptures state, “Favor is better than silver and gold.” (Prov. 22:1) Why? Because favor exists on a higher plane above currency. When we trade, we expect to get a fair value. When you go to the store and make a purchase, you expect to get a product at the best possible price, and are upset if you realize you spent too much for it. You expect, as a baseline, that you are getting a fair value. However, because of the human condition of selfishness, we don’t get fair values. Neither do we, as an aggregate, give fair values. We become indebted to one another, both monetarily and relationally.
“Here’s all you have to do to ruin every relationship in your life: Play fair. If you play fair, you will ruin all of them. Some may go pretty quickly, others may take longer. But in the end, you will succeed. Play fair and all your relationships will be ruined.” (9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed In Love and Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud)
Why is playing fair the recipe for ruined relationships? Because it’s impossible for any person to be completely fair, to give a just balance. Due to our innate selfishness, every human being becomes emotionally indebted to one another. We fail. No one is perfect. And all of us need forgiveness.
When we become indebted to one another, the pipelines of Trust narrow, and sometimes completely close off. The only way to keep these avenues of Trust open is both to extend forgiveness and to ask for forgiveness. When a leader is unwilling to admit a mistake, he begins to lose the greatest commodity he has: the people’s desire to give willingly. They may give to receive a salary, for a while. But ultimately, once you have lost their heart, you will lose their productivity and the power of their willingness to go beyond what is fair.
A nonprofit situation highlights these concepts even to a greater degree. When people are not being paid for their services, the only thing that exists is Trust, where they are connecting only to the vision of the organization, the knowledge that they are contributing and are appreciated for their value to the cause. Once they lose trust of leadership, or sense that they are not valued, they withdraw or leave. The currency a leader gives in this situation is valuing the individual enough to find out where they are uniquely gifted to serve, and valuing the services they contribute. When mistakes happen, and they will (both from them and from the leader), the only way forward is to acknowledge the mistakes, and extend forgiveness towards one another.
This is what Henry Cloud meant by relationships failing by ‘being fair.’ In every relationship, in an employed situation or a volunteer situation, each person must go beyond what is ‘fair’ in order for the relationship to continue. Each person must make a decision to give ahead of time (i.e. for-give), knowing there will be times of failure on all parts. This is what the Bible refers to as agapeo (unconditional love). (See, John 3:16) It is also known as grace. When we live in this higher level of giving, we are no longer looking for fairness. Rather, we are committing to a relationship based on forgiveness and grace.
How many banks have the name Trust as part of their nomenclature? America’s dollar is just paper, which used to be based on gold, now based on oil. When so much societal debt is accumulated, the value of the dollar is diminished. In other words, people in our own nation and around the world Trust it less, due to rising indebtedness. Emotional and interpersonal relationships can lose Trust, as well. The best way to keep these avenues open is for the leader to 1) See the value in his people to the degree that he can ask them to participate (not demand), 2) Honor their contribution to the degree that he can acknowledge their value, by thanking them (saying ‘Thank you’ provides them with a ‘bank statement’ validating the increase in their emotional account), 3) Release that person from the condemnation that can come from a failure, by forgiving them, and 4) Ask them to release him from a failure. These four things are the way relationships can remain open pipelines, if you will, of grace.
As human beings, all of us have failures based upon selfishness. However, instead of focusing on the failures, the value of each individual can be the focus. There is a grace-gift inside each person. When a leader can see the grace-gift in each of his team-members, then he can find ways to help each member release that gift on behalf of the team and the organization.
One of the greatest things a leader can do is to position each member in the place their grace-gift flourishes the most.
“Peter Drucker was once asked what the most important decision an executive makes. He responded, “Who does what.” (The Secret, by Ken Blanchard and Mark Miller)
The next important task of a leader is to find the impediments hindering that member’s progress and solve or eliminate those problems, clearing the path for their greatest expression of service. A leader must determine to get out of the way of his team members (i.e. not micro-manage or burden them with extraneous activities outside their greatest areas of contribution).
Once each member of the team is positioned well, then they become aware of each other’s greatest contribution. They begin to function as a team, appreciating the grace-gift in each other. They begin to see the God-gift in each other. When the leader and team-members begin to see the good in each other, they become willing to overlook each other’s faults, forgiving one another.
It all goes back to the foundational idea that each person is made in God’s image.
“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness.’” (Gen. 1:26)
When we acknowledge the good in each person, we give them an opportunity to consent by casting vision for them: Would you help me? (i.e. ‘Please’). Giving them the opportunity to make that choice honors their autonomy, their willingness to agree with your vision.
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3)
And there is great power in agreement! A traditional approach to leadership is, “I’m the boss, do it my way, or there’s the door.” However, when a person’s heart is given the opportunity to consent, an exponential power is released. Instead of an added value, there is a multiplied value in the relationship.
On one extreme of leadership, there is militant dictatorship. On the other extreme is acknowledging the value of the individual, giving them the opportunity to agree. There is a time, of course, when a sort of militancy is necessary, like in an emergency situation. (And there are unscrupulous leaders who endeavor to create emergencies in order to gain this kind of control, usually based on fear.) I have found that when I must wield this kind of leadership (which is not the norm), the team will follow because I have established a base-line of trust with them. That is, they know that I love them and they believe I have their best interest in mind. They will put up with my commanding way for a while. But if that becomes the norm, it begins to wear thin, and the question begins to be raised: Do I really have their best interest in mind? In other words, I start losing their Trust. The goal, even in an emergency situation is to function at a high level of teamwork and trust. Indeed, the more mature teams are better able to maintain peace and trust, even in difficult circumstances.
It really boils down to the foundational level: what are you going towards, Trust or Control?
This is a motivational question that takes us right back to the beginning of these ideas: As a leader, are you being selfless or are you being selfish? The answer to those questions highlights the differences of the four original verbal statements, those reflecting a selfless leader versus those of a selfish leader.
A selfless leader says, “Please; Thank you; I forgive you; Will you forgive me?”
A selfish leader says, “Do this because I’m the boss; I’m paying you, that should be enough thanks; You made a mistake, so now I can use that as leverage to control you more; I’m always right, so don’t bring up any issues to me I would disagree with.” Most leaders won’t admit that at a very root-level they are harboring these attitudes. Many leaders appear to be benevolent and kind on the outside, yet have these underlying attitudes, hidden from sight. Some have artfully learned how to have the appearance of selfless leadership, only to get what they want.
The teaching of the subject of Leadership falls into two camps: 1) How can I get people to do what I want, and convince them to feel good about it? or, 2) How can I release the God-gift inside of people and what can we do together? The first is the manipulation of a selfish leader. The second is the heart of a selfless leader.
“Servant leadership is more about character than style. In the book Servant Leadership, Robert Greenleaf defines two kinds of leaders. Strong natural leaders are those who try to take control, make the decisions, and give the orders in any situation in which they find themselves; They have a need to be in charge. Strong natural servants, on the other hand, will assume leadership only if they see it as a way in which they can serve…I want to be led by strong natural servants because they are willing to use whatever leadership style – directive, supportive, or some combination – that best serves the needs of those they are leading.” (The Heart of a Leader, by Ken Blanchard)
The Pipeline of Trust widens for a leader who has learned the heart and vocabulary of “Please, Thank you, I forgive you, Please forgive me.” The Pipeline of Trust narrows for the leader who is selfish.
The Pipeline of Trust exponentially increases when a selfless leader is looking for and sees the grace-gift in people. The Pipeline of Trust diminishes in the leader who is looking only for what he wants, and has a view of competitiveness with everyone else. It becomes ‘his views’ versus any ‘competing ideas.’ It becomes ‘him against the world.’
I once heard a statement from a leader who had recently added a person to his team, subsequently saying to people already under his leadership, “I needed someone on my team who I could trust,” insinuating that none of the others were really ‘on his team.’ It was his ‘inner circle’ against everyone else.
As a leader, are you looking to complete or to compete? Are you looking for win-win solutions, or are you thinking mostly about I win, you lose?
To some leaders, this may seem subtle, but it is the difference between two directions, two results: Selflessness and Increase, or Selfishness and Decrease. Increasing Trust or Decreasing Trust. Increasing Provision or Decreasing Provision.
These things can be happening under the hood of organizations, and can take a while to surface. In some cases, selfish leadership can create quick results of increase. But if these means to an end continue for any length of time, the decay of Trust will ultimately destroy the organization from within. Some leaders will compromise on the humility, hard work, and patience of creating a team based on consent, at the expense of quick bottom-line results. But their impatience will only result in shallow growth, as they sacrifice longevity for immediate results.
The currency of Trust is available for those who desire truth, honor, integrity, and love. And it all starts with a heart that can say, with sincerity, “Please, Thank you, I forgive you, and Please forgive me.”